From Friends and Famous People
"I'm not that
innocent." -Britney Spears
"Curiosity killed
the cat." -Proverb
"I dreamt a dream
tonight." -Shakespeare, from "Romeo and Juliet"
"Mint choco shit." -Girl in my English class, trying to read
the flavor of her Bonne Bell chapstick
"Make the
mistakes of yesterday your lesson for today." -Anonymous
"I'm learning to
fly, but I ain't got wings. Comin'
down is the hardest thing." -Tom Petty
"I'm your
guardian angel, Nash...and I love you." -Angel, from "Nash
Bridges"
"But whatever
happens, know that I'll be standing at the edge of the Earth, hoping for
someday." -Blessid Union of Souls
"Patience is a
virtue." -Proverb
"[The future]:
The Undiscovered Country." -Shakespeare, from "Hamlet"
"Loser!" -Katie Radun
"Be a leader
because it's in your heart, not because you have to be." -Dave Tippett
"It'll all be
okay tomorrow." -Valerie Wheeler
"We haven't much
time." -Obi-Wan Kenobi
"Sweet dreams are
made of these." -the Eurythemics
"Normalcy is
incredibly overrated." -Katie Radun
"Hakuna Matata (no worries)!"
-"The Lion King"
"Moon...Prism...Power!"
-Ashley McCorkle, quoting Sailor Moon
"By the power of Grayskull!" -He-Man
"For the honor of
Grayskull!" -She-Ra
"This is a Flip
Mode Squad/Jim Carey collabo!" -from the
"How the Grinch stole Christmas" soundtrack
"It simply proves
that, if you hang around long enough, anything is possible." -Studs Terkel
"In the scheme of
things, little matters." -Emily Bayma
"It's just one of
those days..." -Limp Bizkit
"Live long and
prosper." -Vulcan credo
"We are the
clarinets! The supposedly normal ones!" -Band
saying
"Show me the
money!" -Jerry McGuire
"Captain's Log, stardate..." -Archer, Kirk, Picard,
Sisko, and Janeway, all of
Star Trek
"Forever was the
promise in our hearts." -Brian McKnight
"Practice makes
permanent." -My high school band director *coughs*
"Saints preserve
us!" -Fox in "Mary Poppins"
"Till the day my
life is through, this I promise you..." -*NSYNC
"Are you
optimistic about your pessimism, or pessimistic about your optimism?"
-Ashley McCorkle
"Perspective:
It's all in the way you see it." -Emily Bayma
"
"...our president
(Bill Clinton) has less credibility than the 'National Enquirer'!" -Jay
Leno
"Smile! It makes people wonder what you're up to!" -Katie
Twist
"Oooh...headrush...." -Emily Bayma
"Tension,
release. Arsis,
thesis. Bend it til it almost breaks."
-My high school band director, on resolution.
"If I have to do
it, it will be done my way! (There's resolve for ya!)" -Emily Bayma
"Space, the final
frontier.....Space may be the final frontier but it's made in a
"That would be
the
"Parting the
waters, call out our name. Lead us, God of our lives." -Catholic hymn
"Do, or do not.
There is no try." -Yoda, from "The Empire Strikes Back."
"She canna take anymore, Capt'n!" -Scotty, from "Star Trek"
"That cat is
talking to me!" -Serena, from "Sailor Moon"
"I've been
swimming in a sea of anarchy." -Sheryl Crow
"If I only had a
brain." -Scarecrow, "The
Wizard of Oz"
"If I had a
brain, I'd be dangerous." -Emily Bayma
"The future
belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." -Eleanor
Roosevelt
"Shoot for the
moon, and, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." -Les Brown
"Stand up for
what you believe in, even if you're standing alone." -Saying
"Politics: many
blood-sucking parasites." -E-Mail joke
"If you speak
three languages, you're tri-lingual. You speak two, you're bi-lingual. You
speak one, and you're American." -E-Mail joke
"'Half of everything
is luck, James.' 'And the other half?' 'Fate.'" -Alec Trevalyn and
James Bond, from "Goldeneye"
"Why can't you
just be a good boy and die?" -Alec Trevalyn,
from "Goldeneye"
"The Marines are
looking for a few good men...and so am I!" -Emily Bayma
"I will always
cherish you." -Madonna
"Nothing's sure
but death and taxes." -Benjamin Franklin
"Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Sugar is sweet
And so are you!
But the roses have
wilted
The violets are dead
The sugar bowl's empty
And so's your head!" -Valentine's
joke
"You'll have to
wait a while; a lot of people are in line for that privilege." -Emily Bayma, on people wanting to kill her.
"Everyone should
always carry two sacks, everywhere they go. That way, when someone says 'Hey,
can you give me a hand?', you can say, 'Nope, sorry, I
got these sacks...'" -Lauren Ogden
"Cut my pie into
four pieces...I don't think I could eat eight!" -Yogi Berra
"It's a real,
live, dead, fake pig/grasshopper!" -Running Biology joke
"If this was this
and that was that, would it be thisthat or thatthis?" -Emily Bayma
"Just when I
thought you couldn't get any dumber, you do something like this...and totally
redeem yourself!" -"Dumb and Dumber"
"I'm aware of the
facts. I'm not aware of why the facts aren't fiction." -Umm...I think I
said it, but not sure.
"I believe in
Rhett Butler. He's the only cause I know." -Rhett Butler, from "Gone
with the Wind"
"Winning isn't
everything...it's the only thing!" -Vince Lombardi
"I can never
remember things that I didn't understand in the first place." -Amy Tan
"Fear leads to
the Dark Side. Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hatred, Hate...leads
to suffering!" -Yoda, "The Empire Strikes Back"
"Did I hear
someone ask for a miracle?!" -Moo-shu, from
"Mulan"
"I love this
country!" -Gilbert Gottfried
"I never worry
about the future, because eventually, it'll be the past." -Jennifer Flinchum
"You should be
happy to die with the one you love." -Zoisite,
from "Sailor Moon"
"If we landed on
an alien world, would we be the aliens and they the humans, on a human
world?" -Emily Bayma
"I am the world;
they are the floors." -Ashley McCorkle
"None shall
oppose me!...*pause* Well, they can..." -Emily
Bayma, but echoed by Robert James
"Ignorance is
curable, but blondes are immune to the vaccine." -Emily Bayma (yes, she is
a blonde)
"The lure of the
distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you
are." -John Burroughs
"They say
ignorance is bliss...I agree with them." -Kevin Teague
"Who is this
'they' that everyone speaks of, and why do 'they' know so much?" -Emily
Bayma
"'They' is
TPTB...The Powers That Be..." -Katie Radun
"Ooh, I killed
some brain cells." -Katie Radun, in response to "Ooh…headrush…" -Emily Bayma
"You can't rape the
willing." -Jud Singleton
"[They] wouldn't
know a Communist if they tripped over one." -Lyndon Baines Johnson
"Our lives begin
to end the day we become silent about things that matter." -Martin Luther
King Jr.
"Forgive your
enemies, but never forget their names." -John F. Kennedy
"If it doesn't
fit, get a bigger hammer." -Richard A. May
"Don't worry
about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in
"Each has his
past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his
friends can only read the title." -Virginia Woolf
"History is more
or less bunk." -Henry Ford
"History is the
version of past events that people have decided to agree upon." -Napoleon
Bonaparte
"I never think of
the future--it comes soon enough." -Albert Einstein
"Now he has
departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing.
People like us, who believe in physics,
know that the distinction between past, present, and future is
only a stubbornly persistent illusion." -Albert Einstein
"I love you, not
only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you." -Roy Croft
"Life has taught
us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward
together in the same direction." -Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"I never get
lost…I just change where it is that I want to go." -Rita Rudner
"A pessimist is
one who feels bad when he feels good for fear he'll feel worse when he feels
better." -unknown
"The probability
of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action."
-unknown
"Those of you who
think you know everything are particularly annoying to
those of you who do." -unknown
"All my life, I
wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."
-Jane Wagner
"Writing about
music is like dancing about architecture." -Elvis Costello
"The art of
flying is to throw yourself at the ground…and
miss." -Douglas Adams
"God has a big
eraser." -Billy Zeoli
"It's easy to
identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the
supermarket express lane." -M. Grundler
"A synonym is a
word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of." -Burt
Bacharach
"When you have
eliminated the impossible, that which remains, however improbable, must be the
truth." -Sir Arthur Conan
Doyle
"It does not
matter how slowly you go, as long as you don't stop." -Confucious
"...And I could
swear that this hamburger was, in fact, a cheeseburger in a past life. It has
cheeseburger-like qualities in taste, but no physical cheese...must be a
spiritual experience." -Phil Townsend
"I wasn't aware
that I did anything significant over dinner." -Phil Townsend
"I wonder what
part of the chicken this shrimp tail came from?"
-My brother Brian, upon finding one in his chicken fajita.
"I have no
complaints with women...I think everyone should own one." -My brother
Brian, after which he was promptly disemboweled.
"So is it a
prerequisite for finding my perfect girl, that I have
to catch some monkey-disease first?" -Phil Townsend
"Yeah...so you
can go ape shit over her!" -Emily Bayma (said upon talking to Robert
James)
"Hello, I am a
rich aristocrat and I could buy your
mother." -Katie Radun
"You don't have a
grudge against anyone, do you?" -Katie Radun
"Oh, I don't
know...I can be pretty grudgy when I want to
be." -Emily Bayma
"Yeah, I'm a
blonde...I look both ways before crossing a one-way street." -Emily Bayma
"Wait! Go back! I
don't like that dress on me!" -Phil Townsend, said upon being Zelda in
Super Smash Bros. Melee
"If there's
anything that would inspire someone to conquer the world, it would be
HAVPA." -Richard Hooper
"Yeah, if I had
35 million years, I could conquer the world with my ass muscles too...just like
Batman!" -Richard Hooper
"Richard, please
don't snort the spicy chicken breading. (He
demonstrates)" -Phil Townsend
"Emily, stop
sounding like a masturbating tribble." -Katie
Radun
"One man's rash
is another man's pleasure." -Emily Bayma
"We're all
turning into little Richards." -Phil Townsend
"(Spoken like a redneck) Yer more fun than a kegga beer, Kadie!" -Emily
Bayma
"Yeah, and you
don't even have to register me!" -Katie Radun
"Think I had
something with that rant of mine?" -Emily Bayma
"Cheese?" -Scott Siemen
"If one could
hold sarcasm in one's hand, what wouldn't one see?" -Emily Bayma
"I'm nuttier than a Snickers and twice as satisfying!" -Emily Bayma
"Em! Stop jerking me around!" -Richard Hooper, said while
double-dashing in Mario Kart Double Dash.
"Calculus, as it
is, is an art form, meant to be nurtured and caressed and cared for, until
finally one day you get fed up with it all and beat it repeatedly with a big
stick." -Katie Twist
"Dude, you should
totally give me your number." -Random guy #1 walking by me.
"Dude, you should
totally get it." -Random guy #2 walking by me.
"If it would make
you love me, I'd put soup on a stick." -Courtney Swift
"Ain't no thang
but a chicken wang." -Courtney Swift
(On being told that
she's quoteworthy) "Really?
Yay!!! I'd like to thank everyone who has helped me
on the way…" -Courtney Swift
"Getting into a
cold bed must be like sex is for a woman. Painful at first, then oh-so
good…" -Robert James
"I went under
Em's bed and all I got was this lousy T-shirt!" -Richard Hooper
"My
religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who
reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail
and feeble mind." -Albert Einstein
"Hey,
aliens are just as stupid as the rest of us!" -Katie Radun
"Any
life is made up of a single moment--the moment in which a man finds out, for
once and for all, who he is." -Jorge Luis Borges
"A
woman without a man is like…I dunno. A fish without a bicycle." -Leah Bridges
“*Gasp!*
You’re playing Gameboy by
candlelight? That’s exactly what the
pioneers did!” –Margaret Bayma, on
playing Gameboy in the middle of the decade’s biggest
ice storm.
Instant messages that
are too funny to forget
Me: katie, by the way, is curled up on
her bed in a tired heap.
Scott: lol
Me: she's not
moving...maybe i should poke her...
Scott: lol
Scott: do it
Scott: that'd be funny
Scott: wait
Scott: poke her with a
long stick
Scott: repetitively-ly
Scott: or something like that
Phil: pika-boo
Me: mreow?
Phil: pika!
Me: *hiss* *chases*
Phil: *calls down
thunder from the heavens*
Me: *effortlessly
evades and skids towards plaything*
Phil: dammit teague's hard to track
down these days
Me: i just had a two second conversation with him...and you've
just been *pounced* upon.
Phil: (i'm the plaything??)
Me: (yeah...nothing's
fun to a cat if it isn't alive)
Phil: wow, i'm a pika-cat-toy
Me: *bat* *bat*
Me: *scratches*
Me: *runs*
Me: *dares pika to give chase*
Phil: *shakes head,
composes, uses lightning fast B+up attack to dash out
of sight*
Me: *looks around confuzzledly*
Me: *cries*
Phil: (for such a fast
little critter you'd think he wouldnt have a pika-belly)
Me: *ears twitch*
Me: *runs away to hide
in green greens*
Phil: *after
disappearing into saffron city, hides under bush and does ab
crunches...*
Me: *green eyes
menacingly reflect moonlight as the kitty decides to give chase*
Phil: *the newly-buff pikachu looks about non-chalantly
as all the little girl pichus
drool*
Phil: pika...
Me: *kitty hisses as a
chancey blocks her way* *chancey
becomes toast*
Phil: *pikachu stops sucking in his gut and trembles*
Me: *kitty stalks
menacingly towards the cowering pikachu*
Phil: *a bob-omb falls to the ground*
Me: *kitty innocently
bats it at pikachu's fanclub*
Me: *they explode*
Phil: pichu casualties: 47
Phil: *applause*
Me: *kitty wonders how
47 pichus fit on the saffron city roof*
Phil: orgy?
Me: *kitty pounces on pikachu and gnaws on his ear*
Phil: *kitty
unwittingly completes a pika-circuit...*
Me: *kitty sinks her
claws into pikachu*
Me: *electric shock
evaded*
Phil: (wait, this is
the point where the kitty becomes a neon sign reading "eat at joe's")
Phil: (a la voltage)
Me: (no, this is where
the kitty kicks pika's ass)
Me: *fight breaks out*
Me: (see? told ya)
Phil: pi..ka...
Phil: *fires bolt at
kitty*
Me: *kitty gets
singed, but kitty uses telekinetic abilities to throw pikachu
into nearest hard surface*
Phil: telekinetic
abilities?!
Me: *innocent shrug*
Me: Scott: Class 5 phaser bank fires on level 16, with a full quantum torpedo
spread
Scott: from the Sovreign class starship in orbit
Scott: chop chop
(Me:
firing as ordered!
Me: phil is toast.
Scott: lol
Scott:
no kidding)
Me: you're decimated, pika. surrender now.
Phil:
?
Me: the kitty has
triumphed.
Phil: if i can find any scraps of pika-fur
i'll get back to you
Me: hehe...until next time, worthy nemesis.
Scott: ok maybe we
should stun his body... then force his brain to compute impossible equations
relating to quantum mechanics and projectiles... without a calculator
Scott: !!
Me: eeeee! torture!!!
Scott: lol
Scott: the federation
is against torture... call it.... calculus!! duh-duh-duh-dunnnnnhhh
Me: hehe. does the federation protect
against calculus? i maintain
that it's a form of torture.
Scott: well, i think that the federation will require training on how to
input calculus into a datapad with calc functions
Me: gaaah...do i have to know it to
captain a ship? i hope not.
Scott: lol
Scott: thats what ensigns are for
Scott: sacrifice to
the calculus gods!!!
Me: hehe....wanna know what katie said to me a little bit ago?
Me: "Emily, stop
sounding like a masturbating tribble."
Scott:
HAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!
Scott: rolf
Scott: lol
Scott: lmao!!!
Me: jeez, don't hack
up a lung!
Scott: hual (hacking up a lung)
Scott: cough cough cough
Scott: damn
Scott: i hate colds
Scott: but its getting better now
Scott: so all is well
Scott: how goes the
readiness of the fleet captain?
Me: right on schedule,
sir. we will be ready to move out when you give the
order.
Scott: excellent
Scott: just let me get
the masturbating tribble on 3D camera to show to the
crew
Scott: maybe we should
make him the official ship mascot
Me: i resent that accusation. just
because i was chewing on something and making odd
noises does not mean i'm a masturbating tribble.
Scott: do tribbles mate or do they fission
Scott: i didnt say you were
Scott: but katie had to have heard one
before, otherwise she wouldnt know what it sounds
like
Scott: so the fleet
stays here until we find a masturbating tribble
Me: katie: i
can only hypothesize...
Scott: yeah...
right.... WHERE DID YOU PUT THE TREK-EPISODES-TOO-EMBARRISNG-TO-SHOW??
Scott: oops
Scott: command interogation just pops right out at ya, when you least
expect it
Scott: the order
remains
Scott: the fleet doesnt leave orbit until we find masturbating tribbles
Scott: send out the
search parties
Me: aye sir! mr. applegate,
standard orbit and i'll get commander townsend to organize the search parties.
Scott: when i meet you on the surface, i
expect to hear a "havent found a masterbating tribble yet,
sir!!"
Me: *salutes*
Scott: lol
Scott: dismissed to
the search parties
Me: i'll have to notify commander townsend. he's in his
quarters.
Scott: ok
Scott: wake the man!!
Scott: we havent a second to lose!!
Me: *yells at sun to
go away*
Scott: lol
Scott: *yells at sun
to stay here*
Me: *indignant squeak*
Scott: *indifferent
shrug*
Me: hehe. dappling in mirror universes
again? what *am* i going to
do with you?
Twist: Me, or the
mirror katie? or am I the mirror katie?
Twist: bwahahha
Me: are you eitak, or katie?
Twist: bwa hahahhaa!
Me: yep, it's katie. haha, i have foiled you!
Twist: how do you
know/
Twist: ?
Me: because i know a lot of evil people and i
can sense them a mile away.
Twist: am i evil?
Twist: or am i LIVE!!!
Me: you're live. if you're evil, i woulda known by now.
Twist: oh
Twist: .
Twist: thats no fun.
Me: too bad you're
predictable! mwahahahahahahahaha!!!(echo)
Twist: ECHO echo
echo echo
Me: ooh. you have echo 5.0. you suck.
Twist: I KNOW! i know i know i know
Darra: it's interesting, isn't it, how we don't want to acknowledge our own complexity?
Me: in what way?
Darra: i was just thinking about how
unhappy we seem to be when there's not an easy label to fit us
Darra: and of course, none of the labels are big enough to hold
us
Darra: and we get mad that we're not little enough to fit the
label
Richard: Train of
thought just crashed
Me: how many died?
Richard: All of them
Richard: A salvage
crew is on their way to the scene
Me: congrats. you just made the quotes section.
Richard: What?
Richard: Em there's so much I say that's not there...
Richard: You should
put some of my awful pick up lines in there
Me: like what?
Richard: Like all the
stuff about being a machine
Richard: Baby I'm just
a sex machine. First time's on the house, but I appreciate regular maintenance.
*Phone Rings*
Me: Hello?
Richard: Oh, hey Em.
Me and Richard: …….
Richard: Sorry. My
train of thought just crashed.
Me: Let’s take this
from the top…Hello?