Note from Steven: This only really applies to marching band bandies. The non-marching band bandies are not necessarily like this. (He should know; he is one.)
What is a bandy? If you're really stupid and don't know the answer, it's anyone who is, has, and ever will be in a band. I am a bandy, but I don't care, cause it rhymes with my name. Bandy Mandy. A lot of people think bandies are weird, and the great thing is is that they are right! Bandies always deviate from the cultural norm (hence the title of this lovely bestseller) unless they are the select few who are stupid and popular.
Bandies have weird schedules, such as getting up at 4:30 a.m. on a SATURDAY (o the horror) to go to a BAND CONTEST IN LOUISVILLE KENTUCKY (as the author has done). Marching bandies are the most lovable, because they are stupid enough to sacrifice their teenage lives to stomp around on grass, concrete, and Astroturf for 3 and a half months. However, it IS worth it when you win the state championship (please nobody from Dunbar kill me please please).
Anyway, I will keep babbling until somebody cuts
me off, which will be never. Bandies get band jackets and wear them with pride.
Some tips for you about bandies:
1. Bandies are prone to attack anyone who makes fun of the school band, so don't
be stupid and tease them, because they are savage and will torture you.
2. Bandies are often irritable because they get yelled at during practice after
school, so be a nice sensitive person.
3. I will be lucky if this silly little chapter makes it into the book.
4. I expect some of the profits to go to me. Say 100%, Anisa, is that okay?
5. Five is such a roundish number, so I'll stop with the nonsense rules here.
Just watch out, and never ever get caught on the practice field while the band
is doing a run through for their marching show. It is ugly, because we savage
bandies are taught to completely mow over anything in our path. Some stupid
teachers have been in the wrong place at the VERY wrong time, and consequences
occurred. I hope that you have enjoyed my wonderful wisdom and insight, and
you'd better watch out, because I might write another stupid chapter. If you are
in band, good for you! If you are not, WATCH OUT AND FEAR FOR YOUR LIFE!