Chapter 31: Some Commonly Used Musical Terms

or, What We Do When We See Them

or, A Tribute to Mrs. Birdsong

Anisa Schardl

• Grave: kind of slow.
• Largo: sort of slow.
• Adagio: slowish.
• Andante: mediumish.
• Moderato: running tempo.
• Allegretto: really, really fast.
• Allegro: really, really, really fast.
• Vivace: unbearably fast.
• Presto: impossibly fast.
• Prestissimo: the universe collapses.
• animato: look up or look stupid
• maestoso: like the queen's about to walk in.
• religioso: without cussing.
• risoluto: as if you knew what you were doing.
• accelerando: look up or look stupid.
• espressivo: phrasiologically.
• con forza: big big.
• con moto: with peaches.
• poco: invariably something you are told to exaggerate.
• rallentando: look up or look stupid.
• tremolo: as in (at the end of Happy Birthday) and many more...
• sforzando: see how high you can make your stand partner jump.
• simile: a comparison using like or as.
• ritard or ritardando: look up or look stupid.
• tempo: fast.
• key signature: indicates which notes you play out of tune.
• time signature: mysterious numbers at the beginning of a piece that mean about as much as your computer saying error 11 has occurred.
• cantabile: sing this passage.
• decani: the voice part that sings higher when it's not lower.
• cantoris: the voice part that sings lower when it's not higher.
• fermata: look up or look stupid.
• violoncello solo: this passage will be absolutely beautiful.
• violin solo: this passage would be absolutely beautiful if a cello were playing it.
• mysterioso: like the time signature.
• Bartók: a really cool guy.
• Vaughn Williams: a British guy.
• Mozart: OOTPWHAPOHOD.*
• Dvorák: an unpronounceable (not to mention unspellable) guy.
• dolce: think lollipop.
• pizzicato: think pizza.
• rest: put your head down on your desk and be quiet until everyone has finished his test.
• D.C. al Fine, D.S. al Coda, etc: drop your pencil and pick it up really slowly until you can figure out where everyone is.

*OOTPWHAPOHOD means one of those people who has a premonition of his own death.